Author Topic: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭  (Read 372 times)

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Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #18 on: September 09, 2020, 07:35:08 pm »
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Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #19 on: September 10, 2020, 10:30:16 am »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.
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Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #20 on: September 10, 2020, 10:14:24 pm »
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!
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Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #21 on: September 11, 2020, 09:49:21 am »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #22 on: September 12, 2020, 06:51:13 pm »
A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a **** like that!"

Online Papa Smurf

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2020, 10:29:49 am »
Italian Mothers:

Rocco excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is
going to get married.

He says, 'Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you
try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and
sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says,

'Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry?'.

She immediately replies, 'The one on the right.'

That's amazing, Ma.

You're right.

How did you know ??????'.

The Italian mother replied:

'I don't like her.'.

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #24 on: September 13, 2020, 12:41:46 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2020, 08:41:20 am »

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #26 on: September 14, 2020, 12:19:44 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Online Papa Smurf

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #27 on: September 15, 2020, 06:55:13 am »

    I call my husband the ???

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #28 on: September 15, 2020, 09:28:57 am »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.
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Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #29 on: September 20, 2020, 06:30:57 pm »
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his **** in the mommy’s ****. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s **** in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
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Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #30 on: September 21, 2020, 11:25:50 am »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #31 on: September 22, 2020, 08:12:36 am »
 man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #32 on: September 22, 2020, 05:54:25 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #33 on: September 24, 2020, 08:42:40 am »

THE JOKE OF THE DAY!

A man starts his new job at an insane asylum. He is given his orientation and at the very end asked if he has any questions.
“Yes, how do we know if a patient is ready to leave the asylum?”

“Well,” the director says. “We just ask them a simple question and based on their response determine if they need to stay longer.” The director then calls up three patients for a demonstration. He asks the first one, “what’s is 6 times 6?”

The patient is shaking and nervously says “1000?”

The director shakes his head “no, give this one six more months,” then turns to the next patient.

This one jumps up and down and screams “February!”

“Oh god no!” Says the director. “Another year for this one!”

Finally, he turns to the third patient who looks at him calmly and says “well, the answer is obviously 36.”

“Yes!” Exclaims the director. “How did you know that?!”

“Easy, I just divided 1000 by February.”

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #34 on: September 24, 2020, 10:15:50 am »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.
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Online Papa Smurf

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #35 on: September 26, 2020, 09:16:39 am »
Son: “Dad, I have an imaginary girlfriend!”

Dad: “You know you can do better.”

Son: “Oh! Thanks Dad, that means a lot.”

Dad: “I was talking to your girlfriend.”