Author Topic: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭  (Read 376 times)

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Offline El Payaso

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Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« on: August 31, 2020, 10:01:05 am »
New Game. Post your favorite joke, text or picture. Let’s Laugh 😆.
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

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Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2020, 10:04:45 am »
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2020, 04:06:37 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2020, 05:32:18 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2020, 07:34:21 pm »
2. What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

Offline Papa Smurf

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2020, 07:30:01 am »
THE Italian Man of His House.  With his Italian wife! 

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can
Be THE Man of Your House.'

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterward, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

His Sicilian wife Gina, replied, 'The funeral director

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2020, 09:28:32 am »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2020, 06:17:43 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2020, 09:52:43 pm »

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2020, 09:48:11 am »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Papa Smurf

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2020, 03:39:28 pm »
Feeling' Good


When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the
attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,
"No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."
"Why is that," the host asked?
Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks
...anyone can!"
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Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2020, 09:29:35 pm »
 What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.
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Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2020, 09:33:13 pm »

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #13 on: September 06, 2020, 04:36:50 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Texas Pete

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #14 on: September 07, 2020, 10:07:08 am »

Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #15 on: September 07, 2020, 06:40:37 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.

Offline Papa Smurf

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #16 on: September 09, 2020, 02:51:08 pm »
Druggist's Bad Day


Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the
husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she
explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning
on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and
demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the
druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This
morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went
without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I
didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to
break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a
speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat
tire.
When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting
for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these
people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then
I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to
make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my
hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing -
when I came up I **** my head on the open cash drawer, which made
me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on
it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still
ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was
your wife -- she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well,
Mister, I TOLD HER!"
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Offline El Payaso

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Re: Daily Jokes, just for Laughs 🤭
« Reply #17 on: September 09, 2020, 05:17:50 pm »
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Life is so brief, and time is a thief.
Like a fistful of sand, it will slip right through your hand.
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