Andy Borowitz
7mc0
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WASHINGTON—In a brutal defeat for Donald J. Trump, Senator Mitch McConnell handily trounced him on a cognitive test administered to both men on Saturday.
According to an attending neurologist who spoke on condition of anonymity, “When asked the test questions, Senator McConnell was totally unresponsive, as opposed to President Trump, who got every one wrong.”
Trump took to Truth Social to claim that the cognitive test was “rigged,” ending his rant with a perplexing, “Bamp you for your babention to this butter.”
The loss to McConnell is just Trump’s latest bad result on a cognitive exam, having been soundly bested earlier this week by a single-celled alga. See less
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