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BREAKING: THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT! Furious soccer fans erupt in rage at Trump for ruining the US Men’s World Cup team with his wildly corrupt power play to get star player Balogun’s red card revoked!
Everything he touches dies…
America’s surprisingly dominant World Cup run ended in humiliating fashion tonight after Belgium beat the pants off the US National Men’s team, and angry fans know exactly who to blame: Donald Trump.
During the last game, star player Folarin Balogun was given a red card and a one-game suspension…until Trump personally called FIFA’s president, and the red card was rescinded soon after.
The Belgians were rightfully furious at the flagrant show of corruption and showed up to play like they were mad as hell, scoring four goals while the US Men’s team played out of sync.
Twitter immediately became a fiery rage-pit directed all at Donald Trump.
“unironically no joke zero doubt in my mind: Trump’s fault. He made himself the story and psyched out the team F*CK HIM. HE DID THE SAME SH*T TO THE KNICKS HE IS HUMAN F*CKING POISON EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES TURNS TO SH*T!” yelled political analyst Josh Ettinger (@ettingermentum) into the digital void.
“Haven’t seen America this thoroughly embarrassed on the world stage since we lost that war we started with Iran like 3 weeks ago,” mourned @lukeisamazing.
“It’s cool that Trump doesn’t even like soccer, he just enjoys cheating. Doesn’t matter what the game is. He just loves circumventing rules and ruining things for everyone else,” complained @Integrity_Freak.
“We can still win this game if Mike Pence has the courage,” joked @PFTCommenter.
“Knicks game 3, now this… the Trump curse is clearly real” wrote @sam_d_1995.
“All Trump’s corrupt act ended up doing was poisoning the well, ruining the vibe and inspiring a Belgian team who were already superior to the USMNT. A sad but poetic ending to an otherwise very positive campaign from the USMNT,” said Jordan Patu.
Hard to argue with any of that!
Oh well. He definitely won’t have any interest in the Women’s World Cup, which America has won four times, so at least we still have that?

I had just bet like a total of $40 bucks on the USA to win on 3 different parlays.  Then I am watching the pregame and the announcer say the Belgians beat the sh1t out of us in a friendly match earlier this year.  I immediately told my son, I sure wish I knew that before I placed my bets.  I wouldn't have bet anything.

It makes sense that they lost.  Belgium was clearly the better team.  Our defense was atrocious.  I could have prevented that one goal, the one with the whole team just standing around the ball and no one making a play for it right in front of our goal.  You didn't need to be the greatest player ever to prevent that goal.  Just have a pair of legs and go get the ball. It's like they had never played soccer before.