Author Topic: Joke Of The Day  (Read 1139 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline UT

  • Forum Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6630
  • Karma +88/-3
  • (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے
  • Location: A Lioness Never Tells...
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #54 on: May 16, 2019, 07:39:13 am »
Why did the guy throw butter out the window!?!?

Cause...

He wanted to see a butterfly!!!

😄

Offline Papa Smurf

  • 100 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 104244
  • Karma +231/-3
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #55 on: May 16, 2019, 07:47:44 am »
LMFAO!!!

That's right!!! Never go empty handed!!!

😂

Should at least be carrying a cube of Pepsi in each hand, eh UT?

Offline UT

  • Forum Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6630
  • Karma +88/-3
  • (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے
  • Location: A Lioness Never Tells...
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #56 on: May 16, 2019, 08:58:21 pm »
Should at least be carrying a cube of Pepsi in each hand, eh UT?

That's right!!!

You can never go wrong when packing Pepsi!!!

😂

Offline UT

  • Forum Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6630
  • Karma +88/-3
  • (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے
  • Location: A Lioness Never Tells...
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #57 on: May 16, 2019, 09:00:56 pm »
What's the best part of Switzerland!?!?

I don't know...

But the flag is a big plus...

😄

Offline UT

  • Forum Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6630
  • Karma +88/-3
  • (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے
  • Location: A Lioness Never Tells...
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #58 on: June 03, 2019, 05:20:17 pm »


😄

Offline Doobie

  • Forum Moderator
  • 100 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 192103
  • Karma +520/-28
  • Be Good or Be Good At It
  • Location: Here & There
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #59 on: July 10, 2019, 09:12:30 am »
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!


Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

Offline Doobie

  • Forum Moderator
  • 100 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 192103
  • Karma +520/-28
  • Be Good or Be Good At It
  • Location: Here & There
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #60 on: July 10, 2019, 09:12:59 am »
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Offline UT

  • Forum Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6630
  • Karma +88/-3
  • (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے
  • Location: A Lioness Never Tells...
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #61 on: July 17, 2019, 11:00:12 pm »


😄

Online Texas Pete

  • Administrator
  • 200 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 242639
  • Karma +520/-168
  • Location: Topix Too
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #62 on: July 28, 2019, 10:59:35 am »
A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather beautiful blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a nice looking woman would be waving to him. Although she looks familiar, but he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I think you're the father of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
"Holy ****," he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher..."

Offline Cygnus-X1

  • 25 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 26428
  • Karma +425/-14
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #63 on: July 28, 2019, 11:22:04 am »
A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather beautiful blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a nice looking woman would be waving to him. Although she looks familiar, but he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I think you're the father of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
"Holy ****," he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher..."

🤣

Offline UT

  • Forum Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6630
  • Karma +88/-3
  • (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے
  • Location: A Lioness Never Tells...
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #64 on: July 28, 2019, 10:58:38 pm »
Ha!!!



😄

Offline Doobie

  • Forum Moderator
  • 100 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 192103
  • Karma +520/-28
  • Be Good or Be Good At It
  • Location: Here & There
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #65 on: February 12, 2020, 08:40:15 am »
What does a 75 year old women have between her breast that a 25 year old doesn't......

Her Navel

Offline Doobie

  • Forum Moderator
  • 100 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 192103
  • Karma +520/-28
  • Be Good or Be Good At It
  • Location: Here & There
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #66 on: February 12, 2020, 08:45:19 am »
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken Have In Common

By The Time You're finished with the Breast and Thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Offline SLY WEST

  • 25 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 46149
  • Karma +2277/-6
    • imgur
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #67 on: February 12, 2020, 08:47:59 pm »
Little Johnny sees little Susie sitting on a bench in front of the school crying, why you crying asks Johnny, because I dont have any candy money says Susie. Little Johnny says I'll give you candy money if you'll climb the flag pole, up the pole goes little Susie, Johnny gives her the money, when Susie got home her mom asks where she got the candy and Susie tells her,  Johnny just wants to look up your dress and see your Panties says her mom. The next day Johnny asks her to climb the flag pole and he'd give her twice the candy so up the pole she went, when she got home  mom says Susie, I told you Johnny just wants to see your panties so don't do that again. The next day Susie comes home with a huge bag of Candy and her mom is livid, I told you all little Johnny wants to do is look up your dress and see your panties to which little Susie replies "well the jokes on little Johnny because I didnt wear any panties today!"

Offline SLY WEST

  • 25 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 46149
  • Karma +2277/-6
    • imgur
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #68 on: February 12, 2020, 08:55:36 pm »
I met a Prostitute the other day that said for 100 $ she'd do anything I wanted her to, I told her to put a new roof on the barn.

Online Sunshine

  • Moderator
  • 25 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 93078
  • Karma +167/-104
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #69 on: February 12, 2020, 10:17:00 pm »
[ Attachment Invalid Or Does Not Exist ]

[ Attachment Invalid Or Does Not Exist ]

Online Sunshine

  • Moderator
  • 25 Grand Member
  • *
  • Posts: 93078
  • Karma +167/-104
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #70 on: November 15, 2021, 07:33:07 pm »
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, “one ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, “Men! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, “Two ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, “Men! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, “Why do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, “Well men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, “TWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, “Men, bring me my brown pAnts

Offline Chucky

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6862
  • Karma +195/-42
Re: Joke Of The Day
« Reply #71 on: November 15, 2021, 07:35:12 pm »
It took me two hours to grill a chicken the other day…
And it still didn't tell my why it crossed the road…
Funny Funny x 1 View List